One thing I have learned about Toronto in the last year is that, save for a few parks, the entire GTA (Greater Toronto Area) is basically paved over and piled high with concrete. Coming from out West, this is pretty depressing, and I wondered how native Torontonians could stand living for so long without, well, trees. Well, last week AC and I found out. We went cottaging.

“Going to the cottage” is a big deal in Ontario. Every Friday, there is a mass exodus from Toronto to Muskoka (Native American word for “Lake of Boat Garages”), where there are large quantities of trees and other biomass (read: bugs). It’s a short two-hour drive through a scenic countryside that could be anywhere in rural Canada - except for that giant Staples and the condo towers surrounding any pond developers can get away with calling “lakefront property”. At Lake Muskoka, Ontarions “get away from it all” in rustic comfort. By rustic, of course, I mean recently-built faux-log-cabins with dishwashers, central heating, multiple stories, and wireless internet. Nobody out there is roughing it. I was told that an Ontario cottage is no different from the “cabin” one finds in Alberta or BC, but in reality “cottage” is just a synonym for “second house”.

Actually, the place we stayed was built in the 50s, and lacked both central heating and bonus floors. We were there in the “off-season” (ie, during the week), so it was quiet and relaxing. Well, there was the frequent drone of passing boats, and cottage-construction next door, but otherwise, it was nature-sounds only. The cottage was on a small island, so we were cut off from escape, should our host turn out to be an axe-murderer. Luckily, she was cool.

The whole living-on-an-island thing, which I assumed would be awesome, does have some downsides. One being that you can’t just walk down to the 7-11, you have to boat down, which is way more work. Whoever invents the mobile 7-11 is going to make a fortune out at Muskoka. It also gets dark at night - I mean really dark, not Toronto dark, where you can make a sandwich at 3 AM without turning on any lights. While I’m a big fan of sleeping in actual darkness, it’s less awesome when you’re sitting on the porch and you can’t see the bugs that are eating your human flesh.

Speaking of boats, when you live on an island, a boat is your primary mode of transportation. On land, we park our cars in garages. So where do the islanders park their boats? That’s right - Boat Garages! There’s even double-garages, for two-boat families.

I couldn’t zoom in far enough to capture the multi-storied mansions - sorry, “cottages” - sitting just behind the trees. But they’re out there. The Muskoka Wikipedia page lists famous people, including Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, and Nancy Dolman, who have “retreats” on the lake. Although I imagine they don’t need boat garages, since they probably come and go at night in silent black helichopters…

All things considered, I had a pretty good time at the cottage. I lived on an island for two whole days (well, about 36 hours) without losing my shit, which I think will be good experience to put on my resume if I ever want to apply to be an astronaut or live in a biodome. I had some pretty good food, and slept like a baby. I do have a few strange-looking insect bites, but I’m sure they’ll fade with time - amputation is unlikely to be necessary. And, I saw hummingbirds! Overall, I give the Lake Muskoka Cottage Experience a B+. I’ll leave you with this shot summing up our trip - sandals, barbeque, and wireless router signal extender. Ahhhh, nature….

So, I was home alone last week, and when this happens I usually go into insane-coding-mode and live in front of the computer. But I have come to realize that I’m not capable of doing that anymore - I burn out and accomplish nothing for weeks afterwards. So, instead, I worked regular hours, and watched a lot of TV (way healthier, I’m sure). Specifically, I got hooked on a little show called Heroes. 23 episodes later, I was able to again function as a normal(ish) human being. That’s about 17 hours. In 4 days. I tried to stop, but each frickin episode ends with a wild cliffhanger. I guess that’s not such an issue when episodes only come out once a week, but when the next episode is right there, the choice between “Find out if Hiro dies” and “Consume sustenance necessary for life” is basically made for you. Maybe I’m just less desensitized because I hardly ever watch TV*, but I can’t imagine how people with cable get anything done….

I also rented David Lynch’s Mullholland Drive. I’ve seen it before - I think I watched it in high-school on a friend’s recommendation, although there is a good chance that recommendation was more about the lesbian scenes and less about the plot (classy, I know). I remember it being completely confusing, and I think I fell asleep. But they have a David Lynch section at Bay Street Video, and the sticky-note on the box said it was one of Lynch’s best, so I gave it anther try.

Well, I stayed awake this time. But it was still completely confusing. I spent an hour or two afterwards reading different explanations of the plot on the interweb. Reading between the lines, it seems like everyone agrees that David Lynch is completely screwing with us, but the agreement ends there. I had assumed that the girl was a meth addict (because of her teeth at the end), but maybe she just wasn’t brushing enough. Either way, I highly recommend it. After all, when was the last time you watched a movie where people felt it necessary to create websites explaining the plot? (Besides Star Wars and Harry Potter, you dorks). Just don’t watch it late at night. Or think too hard about it afterwards. And close your eyes when they look for the monster near the beginning (it is extremely creepy and had me all paranoid when I went to the bathroom…).

Apparently I also have become nocturnal. It’s 3am again. Argh.

* This is not entirely true. Last semester, about 100 hours of my life were wasted on the wacky mishaps of Lorelai and Rory. That’s right, I’ve seen all 7 seasons of the Gilmore Girls. I’ve also seen almost 3 full seasons of House. Really, I’m a closet TV junkie. But at least I only see the good stuff. Er, except for that Gilmore Girls thing….

Well, my plan to post daily updates from SIGGRAPH 2007 was a complete bust, thanks to miserable internet connectivity, poor laptop battery life, and parties. But, I did have a good time this year, better than I’ve had before at SIGGRAPH. That might have something to do with the fact that I didn’t have to give any talks this year. Maybe that’s the trick - avoid ever giving talks at SIGGRAPH. Oh, wait…

For those unaware, SIGGRAPH is basically the largest computer graphics research conference on the planet. It’s also a massive computer graphics industry tradeshow. Both. At the same time. This brazen mixture of academic and commercial interests generally results in something that can only be described as blatant debauchery. In theory, we “scientists” are there to learn about new research, exchange knowledge, and spawn collaborations - you know, science-y stuff. But those nefarious industry people are there for one reason, and one reason only - to party. And party they do. Every night, my search for computer-graphics enlightenment was tainted by massive industry-sponsored parties lasting into the wee hours, and generally with open bars. How does a simple graduate student resist these temptations? Well … you’ll have to ask someone else …

By far the most impressive event (at least, in conception) was held on AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER. Yes, you read that correctly: AIRCRAFT CARRIER. Open bars were plentiful. There was even food, I’m told. The potential for awesome-ness was staggering. Unfortunately, thousands of other party-goers didn’t just stay home. It turns out that aircraft carriers have surprisingly few staircases. So, while we went straight up to the flight deck, thousands of others filled the deck below. The deck with the food. This intermediate deck quickly reached capacity, at which point unfriendly men with buzz-cuts prevented us from descending the lone staircase. Oh, did I mention that the only way off the bloody boat was down those same stairs? The result: it was 11 before we made it off the stupid aircraft carrier, sans dinner. Naturally, everything was closed, except a little place called Kansas City Barbeque, which has the dubious distinction of being the place where the “Sleazy Bar Scene from Top Gun” was filmed (there is a plaque). Let me assure you, the producers of Top Gun didn’t need to put any effort into “sleazing up” the place…

The rest of SIGGRAPH was generally enjoyable. Scott McCloud gave a mini-keynote, which was entertaining. I picked up a bunch of mostly-useless swag (but no teapot!). I ate a large number of danishes from the hotel’s free breakfast. They were only mildly vile. I hardly got any sleep. No-one heckled me during my NPAR talk. I met some new people. I saw a million clips from the Transformers movie. I waited in ridiculous lines at the airport (flying to San Diego on Friday before a US long-weekend: mistake). Then I went home a day early. To Toronto. Where it’s 30 degrees and 95% humidity. What was I thinking, exactly?

So, I’m at NPAR and SIGGRAPH this week. I have a paper at NPAR. My talk is tommorrow morning. In theory I am working on my slides right now. In practice, I am writing on the internets. This will be my first time at SIGGRAPH that I’m not giving a talk, which means I might actually get to go to parties, etc. Which is awesome. They are doing this weird “NPAR fast-forward” sketch session, but I just have to parrot my 2 minute script - I can do that hung-over if necessary.

SIGGRAPH is in San Diego this year. It’s hot. But not as hot as Toronto, with the 45-degrees-counting-humidity insanity. AC and I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room, next to the air conditioner. The cats keep us up all night. This is not acceptable. So, all you car-drivers: knock it off, already. Clearly, you are warming Toronto, and I will not stand for it. Angry letters have been mailed.

Conversation overheard on flight between marketing people: “After MySpace sells for 5 billion, everyone is going to want their own social networking site.” I’m not sure which is more depressing - his complete and utter cluelessness, or that he is probably right…

Wi-fi in my hotel: not-awesome. Signal strength high, throughput abysmal. Remember when wireless was good? Before everyone else started using it, and interfering with my radio waves? Those were the days…

(Is it becoming apparent that I don’t really have anything interesting to type about, and am just procrastinating? Back to the slides…)

Back, due to popular demand. (Well, not really. But I got a new website for ShapeShop, shapeshop3d.com. And, I need to entertain myself somehow…)

I installed WordPress, which means you can leave lewd comments in response to my monotonous droning. I can’t wait.